Ben on Aliens

These madly written quotes sum up what Ben has to say about Aliens:

I have asked the aliens that abducted me about cheese and porridge and this is what they said:- fssdfs fsdf gtru uimtn sebru ,m8p,. 7t6 nmerbv345 w34h;;;; ' [ ']/ / ghko; ' . p' j 9 0 457 - / kj,i'90khgm90 ;ty u79 [ ;i k

Roughly translated that means:- Cheese is smelly and porridge is sharp.
Evidently they don't know the true meaning of the word "Sharp" (in inverted comers) or they wouldn't have used it in this context, or they could generally think that porridge is sharp. I questioned them on this matter but they didn't respond, one grunted and the other vomited a highly acidic and gooey substance on my left wellie boot (excuse the slang)
which melted away the tow cap. I was going to ask them if this was intentional but decided against the idea for fear of gaining more gooey acid on my right boot.

(27/04/00)

 

Okay, I have persuaded the aliens to stop prodding me with their long pointy green things. They have looked at all the E-Mails you have sent me and they all agree that they want to examine you. They said they would gladly answer your questions as long as they could gouge out your insides with a slightly shorter pointy green thing than the long pointy green thing and look at them through a wide range of machines and gismos (all green by the way) and subject them to vast amounts of radiation and green goo. I said they would have to ask you in person, I gave them your address so expect them in a few days. You can't miss them, they have a green spiny thing that hovers 2 foot above the ground and a ford fiesta. (I asked them about ostriches and mashed potatoes and they said they you would find the answer blowing in the wind. I think they have been listening to too much Bob Dylan CDs, that's the 9 and three quarters sign of madness you know. Along with multiple exclamation marks and all that.)

(29/07/00)