Ben on Dodgy Jake

During Ben's days at Weobley High School, he befriended a boy known as Jake. Jake was in the business of computer sales, and owned a lot of high tech equipment, such as laptops. Naturally, Ben was convinced that he could get a few things off him for cheap, such as a video card for his computer. No chance:

As I noted in my last letter I arranged to collect the video card form Jake. We arranged to meet at "Luntley Court" (a place in-between our houses) but keeping with the tradition, as usual Jake never turned up!! naturally I was very annoyed, as you can probably see from the tone of my letter (enclosed). I seriously doubt if I will ever get this video card!! Of course he has not E-Mailed or Phoned me yet.

(20/02/00)

He did not enclose the copy of his letter to Jake, but when I E-mailed him saying that I thought Jake was dodgy and maybe even a nasty person, this was his long E-mail response:

I have had the same feeling about Jake, although he has never been nasty to me, probably because I am purchasing some of his merchandise or attempting to (for love of big and pointless words with 3 syllables or more that can be expressed with just 1 word with 2 syllables or less e.g.. purchasing/ to bye. These words are only here to please people who like showing off there English skills) sorry, got a bit carried away there. Anyway I think he is an alien in descuise, then again I think that I come from Mars and that cows will take over the earth, so who am I to tell you whose weird and whose not!! Talking of Jake I forgot to send you a copy of my e-mail to him so here it is.

Benticknap

P.S. I will restrain myself from writing pointless (note my obsession with the word "pointless")loads of nothing in P.S.s

P.P.S I mean a load of pointless waffle that is totally mind mindnummingly boring that it makes your head hurt when you even try to glance at it from 3 miles away using a pair of old battered binoculars that have been dropped in a pot of paint and buried in a bog for 20 years.

P.P.P.S What is the point of wittering on about a load of old cobblers to some smelly old obese american (that should have a capital letter) sitting infront of a rusty old Amega (although this is technically impossible because Amegas don't have Internet access) in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

P.P.P.P.S Woops, I think I'd better go now, I've baored you for long enough now, my purpose has been forfilled.

P.P.P.P.P.S Hears a copy of that letter:-
Luntley 2 O'clock
Luntley 2 O'clock
Luntley 2 O'clock
Luntley 2 O'clock
WHERE THE HELL WHERE YOU!!!

I was weighting for 20 minutes.
I now your memory is like a rusty bucket, but please try and remember next time I WANT MY VIDEO CARD (no affence ment)

E-Mail me with the next suitable time for another try.

(21/02/00)

I have arranged to meet Jake at the end of our lane at 2:oo on Sunday (I'm not cycling all the way to Luntly again) . I will also go to the end of the lane on Saturday so he can't use the excuse that he came on the wrong day because of school ending on Thursday.

(14/04/00)

Jake never did turn up to any of these meetings, and has still not delivered Ben's video card to this day. And so Jake became known as 'Dodgy Jake'.